5 Lessons from my 5 years of marriage
My husband and I celebrated our 5th Wedding Anniversary yesterday and I must say God has been very good to us on this journey of faith called marriage 
I have learnt a lot and I am still learning. There are also things I wish I knew before I got married. So whether you are yet to get married or you are married, this will bless you!
1. YOU NEED GOD AND HIS WORD TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE A SUCCESS:
This might sound like a cliché. I heard it lots of times even before I got married but it is so true!!! Marriage is God’s idea and to make it work, you need to know Him. “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it” (Ps 127:1a).
God’s word has been our foundation and we have continued to build our marriage upon this. A prayer altar is very essential in any Christian home. It is so easy to become engrossed with work, kids, career etc. that you don’t have time to pray together. We have had to be intentional about it and so we create time to pray and study the Bible with our kids at bed time. This routine has worked for us. Create a plan for your family and be consistent. A couple that prays together stays together!
2. MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK:
There may be fairy tale weddings but there is no fairy tale marriage! A happy and successful marriage requires both husband and wife depositing regularly into each other’s love bank regularly. Happy marriages don’t just happen automatically! You need to frequently speak your spouse’s love language in ways that are meaningful to him/her. It is so easy to relax and stop striving to please the other person once the wedding is over. We made this mistake for a while and realized our love bank was empty which caused lots of friction in our marriage. We are still working consciously to ensure that each other’s love bank is never empty.
Always communicate your needs to your spouse and don’t assume or expect your spouse to know as you might end up being frustrated in the marriage if your needs are not being met.
In addition to the above, marriage comes with a LOT of responsibilities!!!
3. THAT YOU HEARD FROM GOD DOES NOT GUARANTEE A STORM-FREE MARRIAGE!
Seeing couples all lovey-dovey and looking like they do not offend each other at all painted a wrong picture of marriage in my head. I honestly thought my husband could never offend me or get me angry. I had heard from God that he was the one for me, there were confirmations from other sources about him; he was an amazing child of God and to cap it up, we were best friends and still are! I could never imagine us having any issues. I was so wrong!!! We have had our fair share of different storms in our marriage where we thought we had come to the end but God came through for us. We continue to offend each other not intentionally but we also make conscious effort to forgive. I would like to encourage you; storms in marriages do not mean it is time to throw in the towel for a divorce. Get up and pray!!! The devil is against the institution called marriage. Fight for your marriage and watch God calm the storm.
4. YOU MAY WIN THE BATTLE BUT LOSE THE WAR:
The battle of egos is REAL!!! I’m not sure whose ego is more, may be my husband’s lol. This was a major struggle in the early years of our marriage (we are getting older, lol and more mature too
). We are both intellectuals and we always wanted to prove a point and I would prove that my idea was the better one and we should go with it. This led to hurt and anger and a minor issue would unnecessarily escalate. We are still working on this, but I have learnt over time that even when we sometimes see things from different perspectives, rather than go to war with my husband and make him change his mind, I fight the battle on my knees and I have my way because God speaks to him on my behalf!!! Wives, submit your will to your husband, honour him, respect him; present your will to God and watch your husband submit to you at your request! Try it, it works!
5. PATIENCE IS NOT ENOUGH:
When hubby and I started living together, we realized we both had some habits and orientations about some things due to our different upbringing. For example, my definition of a place being neat and tidy is different from hubby’s definition 
. But he has had to be patient with me. Over the years, his tolerance gear has moved from patience to endurance to long suffering! hahaha It comes with the package 
However, I have had to become very intentional about things he communicates to me and I’m working on them.
Be patient with your spouse, don’t expect a sudden change and become frustrated when those changes don’t happen spontaneously. Realize a habit that has been formed over decades will take some time to change. On the other hand, the spouse being corrected needs to take action and not be lackadaisical about this.
I hope you have been blessed by it. We are a work in progress and are not perfect either but God who is helping us can help you too and grant you joy, peace and harmony in your marriage.
Don’t give up on your marriage just yet, things can get better than you imagine. I pray for God’s peace in every stormy marriage in Jesus name.
