I met my husband online. Ours was a very long distance relationship and by God’s grace we had a successful courtship. We have been married for years now to the glory of God. So I thought to share some tips that helped us during our long distance courtship, hopefully it can be of help to you

1. Keep God at the centre of your relationship:

Even though you both can’t go to church together, you can still share God’s word and pray together regularly. In fact, hubby and I had a day set aside for fasting and praying every week! We would pray concerning our future marriage, our children, our goals, our lives. We knew without His help, we would not make it through.

2. Communicate regularly:

Call your partner as many times as possible and convenient for you both daily. If the time difference is a lot it could make a huge impact on the relationship. In our case, there was about 11-12 hours difference! Despite this we would talk when I wake up, when he is going to bed, when he wakes up and when I’m going to bed! Lol! We just had to communicate somehow.

3. Prioritize your relationship:

If the other person means a lot to you, the major way you can let him or her know is by spending time with them despite your busy schedule. I was so busy in medical school and my husband was busy with his PhD but we had to create time to invest in our relationship so as to make it work! It won’t work automatically; you need to invest your time!

4. Maximise technology:

Use video calls as often as possible, they give you the feeling of being with your partner. Text back and forth too regularly! Oh, we would chat for hours! Keep in touch! Talk about your visions, your likes, your dislikes, your expectations, your strengths, your weaknesses, your future, talk about everything. Also, using this medium, do things you both enjoy e.g. sing together, review books, movies, play games, etc.

5. Listen with your head and your heart!

If you are going to marry this person, you need to pay attention to everything the person is saying. Ask questions, don’t just gist about irrelevant things. Do the answers match up all the time? Is your partner being sincere with you? If you are in doubt, speak up! You’ve also got to be sure your values and beliefs are compatible.

6. Keep in touch with your partner’s family:

You cannot be in a secret long distant relationship! Know his/her parents, siblings and close friends. Speak with them often and visit them if possible. Ask to speak to his/her friends, roommates, church members, pastor and pastor’s wives or leaders in his/her church. This is for your own security, it makes your partner more committed to the relationship, and it makes you known in his/her circle of friends and family. Again, don’t be in a secret relationship for your own good!

7. You can be romantic in a long distant relationship!

Hubby and I used to send each other gifts across the oceans! It used to take about 6 weeks for my gift to be delivered but I would send him just in time for his birthday, valentine and Christmas every single year! Same with him, we surprised each other with gifts too sometimes. I remember a Valentine’s Day hubby planned a surprise with a gift company and got all sorts delivered to my room in Uni! Oh! I would never forget! Even though he was absent, it felt as if he was present! Spark up your long distant relationship!

8. Visiting as often as possible is advised:

Both of you should plan to do this. It’s always amazing to see the one you love in flesh and blood! It strengthens the relationship. For cross-country long distant relationships, this may not happen as often as you want but cherish whenever you can make it happen.

9. Trust is very vital:

If you don’t trust your partner, it would be difficult to be in that relationship! Hubby and I promised to share everything with each other even our wrongs! We promised we were not going to hide anything from each other and despite the distance, I could tell where he was every single time and same with him. This built trust between us.

10. Plan your future together:

Discuss and decide who will move or where you both are going to settle down. This could be very delicate as it comes with a lot of sacrifice for the person who will be moving but you’ve got to talk about it regularly to be sure it’s what you want in life and you both are on the same page!

I pray that you get it right in your relationship in Jesus name. Amen

Regards

© Dr Blessing Ekundayo

Relationship Educator and Mental Health Practitioner