What was our issue? We were speaking different love languages to each other. My love language was ‘Words of Affirmation’ but he was speaking a different language to me (Acts of service).

These differences are not uncommon in many homes today. We all have an innate desire to be loved by our significant other and each of us has a primary love language. When this language is spoken to us regularly especially by the one we love, our emotional love tank is full but when this is not happening, our love tank becomes empty and friction arises in the marriage. In fact, you may begin to think that you both are not compatible
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There are 5 love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation:
This includes words of encouragement, compliments, and praises for even the smallest of things. Words are powerful. Life and death are in the power of the tongue (Prov. 18:21). You can either bring out the best in your spouse with your words or crush their ego and self-esteem. Expressions like “I’m so glad I married you”, “You are a great dad to our kids”, “you are an amazing cook”, “you look gorgeous in that dress”, “you will make it” etc. If said regularly can make your spouse’s day! If this is your spouse’s love language, speak it fluently for the health of your marriage.

2. Quality Time:
This is not the same thing as quantity time! This means you are giving your spouse your undivided attention. You are not spending quality time for example if you are both watching a movie and half of the time you are on your phone checking notifications, texting, and receiving calls. A person whose love language is this will feel insulted and not valued! Quality time also includes going for a walk together, talking to each other with the TV and other gadgets off etc.

3. Acts of Service:
This is basically lending a hand to do things for your spouse. Some women for example feel so loved by their husbands when he helps with the house chores, assists with cooking, or with the groceries, etc. A man who does every other thing but this will not tick the right boxes with his wife. If your wife keeps complaining about how much she needs you in this area, don’t ignore and think she is just nagging. See how you can show her some love and fill her love tank by helping her where you are needed.

4. Physical Touch:
This includes holding hands, hugging, kissing and not just sex. If your spouse loves this, don’t fail to touch, don’t be tired of touching. Wrap your arms around his/her waist, stroke, caress, cuddle, tickle, do all sorts of romantic things.

5. Gifts:
If your spouse’s love language is receiving gifts, do your best to frequently give gifts to him or her. It is not the cost of the gift that matters but the thought behind the gift! Don’t miss big life events like birthdays, anniversaries etc. This is a big deal!!! Even beyond these events, from time to time, make it a duty to shower your spouse with gifts. This will help them feel loved and in turn help your marriage blossom.

Wondering what your spouse’s love language is? Ask! Pay attention to what you do that makes them happy. Speak their love language to them and not your love language. Often times, we speak our own love language thinking it’s acceptable to our spouse. Unless you share similar love language(s), this may not be a good idea.

Wondering what yours is? Think about what your spouse fails to do that upsets you; what you’ve been constantly requesting your spouse to do, it could also be the way you express love to your spouse!

A Chinese speaking person cannot have any fruitful communication with a person who understands English language only. Endeavour to learn and speak your spouse’s love language fluently and effectively.

This post was inspired by the book – The 5 Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapmann

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God bless you.